Hillary Heads North

Now that Barack Obama has chosen Joe Biden as his running mate, Hillary Clinton’s 2008 U. S. electoral run has officially come to an end. But just because she’s been shut out of the American campaign doesn’t mean that she’s finished for the year.

With Stephen Harper and Stephane Dion trading schoolyard dares, it seems more and more likely that Canada is heading for a fall election. And that means one more opportunity for Hillary to become a national leader.

The Clinton team has already made some initial inquiries regarding a Canadian campaign. Rumors abound that Hillary herself has contacted all the Canadian leaders with a view to leading one of the major parties in the next election.

Prime Minister Harper has rebuffed Mrs. Clinton’s entreaties but the other leaders apparently remain open to her candidacy. NDP leader Jack Layton, in particular, seems eager to welcome Hillary into his party.

"Hell, she’s more than welcome to take over from me," said Layton. "Let’s face it; we’re going to get trounced again and, frankly, it’s no more fun for me the third time than it was the first two times."

"I’ve always considered myself a liberal," said Mrs. Clinton. "So the prospect of running for a party actually called the Liberals is interesting. But since I’ve been a lifelong Democrat, representing something called, what did you say it was, the New Democratic Party, is very, very exciting."

Hillary’s husband, former President Bill Clinton, was initially reluctant to follow his wife north for a Canadian run. But informal promises that a win by his wife might result in him being appointed Governor-General apparently turned him around.

"I like the sound of that title Governor-General," said Bill. "I used to be a governor, you know, but I’ve never been a general. This way I could be both at once. Plus they tell me that there’s not a heck of a lot to do in the job, mostly opening shopping centers and kissing babes or babies. I wasn’t quite clear on that last one."

Having quickly warmed to the idea of running in the upcoming Canadian election, Hillary assured the voters that her platform remains unchanged from her U. S. campaign. She has indicated that she will continue to push for universal healthcare, an end to participation in the Iraq War and a complete renegotiation of NAFTA.

When informed that Canadians already have socialized medicine, did not send troops to Iraq and had no desire to reopen NAFTA, Clinton seemed surprised but indicated a willingness to pursue other issues.

"I’d like to see such things as tighter gun control, same-sex marriage and cheaper tuition for colleges and universities," said the U. S. senator.

"Done, done and done," said Jack Layton. "But I’m sure there are other matters of interest to you."

"Not really," said Mrs. Clinton. "That about blows my whole platform portfolio. But, hey, if you’re looking for someone to stand up to that kid Obama or that old geezer McCain, I’m your gal."

Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe reminded Mrs. Clinton that if things didn’t work out in the upcoming Canadian federal election, there was always a spot open for her as the President of an independent Quebec. Although Mrs. Clinton’s French was reportedly not very strong, she was heard to say: "C’est une possibilité. Après tout, je ne jamais dites non."