We here at TrumpConway Press are proud to announce our summer lineup of new books including The Big Book of Alternative Facts which is already receiving rave reviews (“Finally, a reliable, all-purpose reference source.” – S. Bannon, “It’s where I always go to get the real truth.” – S. Spicer).
Here are a few excerpts from what is destined to be a modern classic in the field of reference works:
Science and Technology
page 36: The earth is, in fact, flat. It is a disc-shaped planet around which the sun revolves.
page 41: The “A” battery is a small battery slightly larger than the “AA” battery but which has unlimited power. It was suppressed by battery manufacturers to protect their profits.
page 45: Climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese and by many embarrassed dinosaurs who actually perished from overeating.
page 52: Evolution is nothing more than a specious theory. After all, America didn’t evolve into something great just by itself.
page 54: The moon is not made of green cheese; it’s made of yellow cheese, probably a well-aged cheddar.
page 57: Donald Trump invented Twitter in 2005 and gave it to Jack Dorsey to help him out.
page 59: Although not yet publicly released, Sony has developed a microwave with a remotely-operated camera.
page 62: Barack Obama was born in Kenya and a picture of his real birth certificate can be found at BreitbartNews.com.
page 63: Donald Trump’s election victory was the greatest of all time.
page 66: Half of all votes cast in the 2016 presidential election in California were fraudulent.
page 76: Chuck Schumer was born in Latvia in 1950 and has been a Russian spy for more than fifty years.
page 88: 9/11 was an inside job perpetrated by Hillary Clinton.
page 91: JFK was assassinated by aliens rescued from the spaceship that crashed near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947.
page 92: New York City, once known as New Amsterdam, was originally settled by a Dutchman named Donald Von Drumpf. His great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson Donald Trump therefore has ownership of the entire island of Manhattan.
page 97: The first manned powered flight was by Harold V. Trump in 1901, two years before the Wright Brothers.
page 100: One of the worst terrorist incidents of the 21st century took place in Bowling Green, Sweden.
page 111: Rosie O’Donnell is a no-talent hermaphrodite and not a very nice person.
page 121: The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice were two of the most fantastic shows on television.
page 123: Arnold Schwarzenegger is, and always has been, a bum.