Tuesday, August 08, 2017

West Wing Story: The Musical

    For some reason, the media seem to be obsessed with all of the recent changes to the current White House team. Sean Spicer and Reince Preibus are out and Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Anthony Scaramucci are in. And now Scaramucci is out and General Kelly is in.
     What reporters and commentators don’t seem to realize is that any large-scale musical production will see frequent changes in cast members over the life of the show. And the current smash hit playing at the White House is no exception.
     West Wing Story is the tale of a star-crossed self-lover named Donald Trump and his ultimately unsuccessful and tragic attempt to marry his one true love: himself.
     The musical begins with a threatened showdown between two Washington, D. C. gangs: the Donkeys and the Pachyderms. The Pachyderms are in disarray and looking to boost their chances by enlisting Donald and changing their name to the Trumps.
     When you’re a Trump,
     You’re a Trump all the way
     From your first outright lie
     To your last lyin’ day.

     When you’re a Trump,
     If the stuff hits the fan,
     You got kids all around,
     You’re a family man.

     You’re never alone,
     Your loyalty’s expected.
     Except if you fail
     Then you’ll be disconnected.
     You won’t be protected.

     All seems well until Donald falls in love with himself and threatens to violate the truce between the Donkeys and the Pachyderms and bring the whole gang structure tumbling down. Donald sings:
     The Donald…
     The most fantastic sound I ever heard:
     The Donald, The Donald, The Donald, The Donald….
     All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word….
     The Donald, The Donald, The Donald, The Donald….
     The Donald!
     I’ve just met a guy named The Donald,
     And suddenly that name
     Will never be the same
     To me.
     The Donald!
     I’ve just seen a guy named The Donald,
     And suddenly I’ve found
     How wonderful a sound
     Can be!
     The Donald!
     Say it loud and there’s lots of spinning,
     Say it louder and there’s plenty of winning.

     The Donald!
     I’ll never stop loving The Donald!

     The most beautiful sound I ever heard.
     The Donald.

     Meanwhile, the Donkeys struggle to recover from The Donald’s victory and regain the ethnic votes they recently lost:
     I like to be in America!
     OK by me in America!
     Healthcare be free in America
     No insurance fee in America!

     Immigrants can in America!
     Tax-the-rich plan in America!
     Bernie still ran in America!
     No Muslim ban in America!

     But the Donkeys are no match for the self-adoring Donald who, despite breaking all the rules, still appeals to vast swaths of the electorate:
     I feel pretty,
     Oh, so pretty,
     I feel pretty and witty and in style!
     And I pity
     Any guy who hasn’t got my guile.

     I feel brilliant
     Oh, so brilliant,
     It’s resilient how brilliant I feel!
     And so pretty
     That I can’t believe I’m such a big deal.

     See the handsome guy in that mirror there:
     Who can that fantastic guy be?
     Such a handsome face,
     Such a handsome suit,
     Such a handsome weave,
     Such a handsome me!

     I like running
     And winning,
     Feel like lying and speaking profane.
     For it’s all to
     Make America great again.

     In a tragic twist, however, Donald’s own outlandish self-regard destroys his standing within the ranks of the Pachyderms and he ultimately falls from grace but not before one last plaintive plea:
     There’s a place for me,
     Somewhere a place for me.
     Pomp and power and love so rare 
     Wait for me

     There’s a crown for me,
     Somehow a king to be.
     Gilded scepter and golden throne,
     Time to rule, just me alone
     Some day!

     There’s a place for me,
     A place in history.
     If for once I could shut my mouth
     Decrease my ceaseless tweeting enough.
     Some day,

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