Friday, September 01, 2017

Canada's New Governor General: Donald Trump

    With every passing month, it is becoming more and more apparent that having Donald Trump in the White House is a problem or, as he might put it, a “huge problem.”
   Recently, he flunked the simplest presidential test by equating neo-Nazis and counter-protestors and failing to provide moral leadership to the country in a time of need. Shortly after that, he pardoned former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio without cause and thereby severely undermined America’s judiciary.
     Over the horizon, more troublesome events are already coming into view. Allegations of conflict of interest and outright corruption are surfacing surrounding billionaire corporate raider Carl Icahn in his former role as special advisor to the president. And the Mueller investigation grinds slowly on with the likelihood of more corruption and illegality being revealed.
     From where I sit in Canada, it looks like things can only end badly. It’s not likely that Trump will resign and, if impeachment becomes a serious possibility, I fear that he may foment a crisis or even start a war to distract Congress and the country.
     A year ago, I proposed a solution: make Trump America’s first monarch, King Donald I. More recently, talk show host Jimmy Kimmel made a similar suggestion.   
     As tempting as this option is, it’s not really that practical. After all, there is no royal structure in place in America and, even if there was, making Trump king could set a dangerous precedent. Plus, you’d still have him around as a giant annoyance.
     As a close friend and ally, I think Canada can help. Rather than make Donald Trump your king, we can offer a quasi-royal solution: make him Canada’s next governor general.
     Our governor general is the Queen’s representative in Canada and therefore has many of the trappings of royalty. He or she resides in Rideau Hall, a fancy estate in Ottawa, and occasionally gets to participate in events surrounded by pomp and ceremony like the opening of parliament and the Speech from the Throne.
     Although not as flashy as an actual monarch, the position of governor general should provide enough ego-gratifying flair and pizzazz to satisfy Mr. Trump. Plus, you’d be doing us a favor.
     First off, we’re right in the middle of appointing a new governor general but we’ve run into a bit of a mess. It turns out that the latest candidate, former Canadian astronaut Julie Payette, had an unrevealed criminal matter stemming from her divorce. Thus, her appointment is less than ideal and parachuting in Mr. Trump would alleviate us of that problem.
     And just so you don’t think that we’re doing all this just out of the goodness of our heart, there is something else in it for us: the maintenance of the North American Free Trade Agreement. That’s right; if Donald Trump leaves the White House for Rideau Hall, he’ll also be leaving behind his threats to junk NAFTA and we can get back to our normal, stable trade relations.
     So please give our offer some serious consideration. From my perspective, it’s a win-win solution. You get to solve the dysfunction in Washington and we get to solve our Julie Payette problem and retain NAFTA.
     And don’t worry about any negative consequences here in Canada. The position of governor general comes with few, if any, real powers and is basically ceremonial in nature.
     It might be galling to have to listen to Mr. Trump open a new bridge or shopping center or occasionally address parliament. But that’s a small price to pay to restore sanity to your country and avoid another world war.
     So, what do you say America? Rather than King Donald I, why not let us make your president our new governor general and we can all sleep better at night?

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